disco

her name was erica lefleur

2005-07-17T04:51:28Z

erika kennedy
erika morrow

and me. tried painting my thumbnail white. those spades were painting the roses red.

it's funny how people are getting so good at pretending. i hate tourist season. i guess here it's always tourist season. there's a prospect on the bottom floor, people don't look at you the same here. everyone wears tapered jeans.

bruce willis is a joke.

maybe it repels the sand better having your jeans so close to your skin around your ankles.

princess is happy. he shit in the middle of tourist season.

the sandsculptures were alright, and by alright I mean, disco.

apeiro @ 2005-02-27T23:25:00

2005-02-28T07:28:04Z

oh how unnerving. you play like you know you know everything you don't know nothin'. i had one thing. and you did not. and now you're trying to pretend you had it all along. and i don't think it's fair.

skip from one lilypad to another little froggy.

fuck you. fuck you and that thing that should be mine and isn't. and your drugs. and your drugs. and your drugs.

apeiro @ 2005-02-06T13:42:00

2005-02-06T21:50:31Z

donovan vs. floater i don't think he had a chance. i hate our trailer park. i hate the cowboys. i hate the tweakers i hate the creep that's always over up front. i hate that large girl who says nasty things about my best friend.

why are we here i don't know there is always the hope that the infinite parties will return. the list will grow. our names will be remembered, (now it's fucking system i never thought about how much i actually hate everyone who likes this band.)

if i was in college i would want to be PAUL. not sean bateman. i want to be a rich fabulous attractive gay boy with wild eyes and strong features. but i wouldn't love sean bateman.

what the fuck is this now? drain sth? worse? creeps get head. creeps give head to both roommates, right? i wonder if they've sat down together and discussed. i'd rather not wonder.

love is so far from here. i wonder if james van der beek enjoyed his love scene.

covert ops you think you're so suave.

2005-02-05T07:10:10Z

i don't like this out of the loop nonsense that I most definitely do not deserve.
may 6th 1937 // hindenburgh explosion. oh the humanity. nothing ties us together like tragedy. but there is no community. there is no ultimate human family anymore. once, once i think they sat around their little magic black and white boxes and everyone held their breaths at the same time.

surround yourself with these people you love for whatever reason, knowing full well their flaws, sometimes dangerous, sometimes overwhelming flaws. you know you have your own as well. hold them tightly, you think you can keep them forever in your little orbit.

hashish bust. chinca's market where you buy your stolen cigarettes and marijuana.

you're kidding yourself, kid.
enron, get your own 120mill.

slip away, my pretty little miss.

the malfunction of the machine.

2005-02-03T15:49:12Z

this is just a consideration. staring at time as it passes, in fragments i see how things really are. ignorance it seems, has fled. sometimes i can fake it. one two three banana.

something must be done! i'm fairly certain i'll like this one much better. whatever happened to those angels in virgina? maybe the souls were transferred into this other thing-person. escape from this feeling. i'm going to drink two cups of coffee and see where that leads.

apeiro @ 2003-12-10T17:22:00

2003-12-11T01:25:15Z

EVERYONE WHO READS THIS JOURNAL NEEDS TO ADD the_erections AS A FRIEND BECAUSE THAT IS THE JOURNAL I WRITE IN, AND I WANT TO ADD Y'ALL AS FRIENDS BUT NOT UNLESS YOU STILL READ THIS BECAUSE THEN, WELL, THAT WOULD BE POINTLESS.

THANK YOU&GOODNITE

apeiro @ 2003-11-22T14:14:00

2003-11-22T22:16:04Z

carl is here. here.
but he is leaving.

I found my pants.

I have to go find carl.

apeiro @ 2003-11-17T00:57:00

2003-11-17T08:58:53Z

I've decided that I am bored. therefore. I am boring.

basically. goodbye. [for a while.]

UPDATE: I don't think the muffin man will approve. [03 Mar 2003|12:57am]

2003-11-16T23:32:44Z

SHE WASN'T WEARING ANY PANTS.

holy titties batman

2003-11-16T23:23:20Z

swan? swan? who would have ever thought?
and yet. I feel nothing.
because I am heartwashed.
swan made me breakfast.
potato slept between us in my bed.
but we cuddled. all morning. and it was so. pretty.
carl read the mail I sent him and didn't reply, or call me. Like I asked. And you know what? I just have to deal with it because I am still in love with him. How fucking pathetic.
I AM A FUCKING PATHETIC LOSER.

end transmission.

apeiro @ 2003-11-15T13:31:00

2003-11-15T21:36:52Z

he wrote to me today. he says he has let go of the things that hurt him. I have to tell you I hate Jesus Christ.
Not god.
Just Jesus. Fuck him.

anyway.

I miss him. not jesus. carl. but like everyone else, he's just the shell of who he was.

point. blank. stare. hard. bodies. breathing. heavy. lifting. cars. driving. fast. pace. yourself.

breathe in.

last night the party was

was.

breathe out.

matt warmington. was.

mike was.

catatonic. grey ice water. i can play lives on the guitar this morning because mike gave me his pick.

sometimes, well.
it isn't like breathing. it isn't anything like being alive.

apeiro @ 2003-11-13T16:31:00

2003-11-14T00:36:43Z

sparkly. the house. good typing skills getting better. going to straighten stephanie's hair and maybe pluck those damn eyebrows. I bet she'll let me.

I can't understand this at all. I can't pronounce this at all. These are different matters, these are uncertain feelings. This should never be discussed, so keep it to yourself.

Snorted a lot of ritalin today. Which is why the house is sparkly. The backyard. The Jimboy's bench seat. The windows.
istealcars
carl carl carl where are you? I think I may have something we need to discuss very soon.
But hey let's get hammered first. And buy an eightball. Ok?

it's in the music.

2003-11-12T07:53:51Z

ain't that a shame? you're the one to blame.
I now have a spa. what a perfect time for my boyfriend to leave me. and a beautiful view of the river. and two pools. and. a really big bed.
a lifetime is a wide open sky.
my dad is keeping my road trip truck, for himself. so. I have to find another vehicle. I might become a paper-girl and make 1,000 a month. Then, I won't have to sell the van.
oh where's that tenderness?
I can't sleep alone in my bed. I think about spiders a lot. and I hug my body pillow and pretend it's warm because it's human.
you're the loud sound of fun when I'm trying to sleep
I guess Brandon fights with his girlfriend all the time. Why do people stay together when all they do is fight? Why do they always fight? Maybe it's the excitement.
when it's rough, call my bluff, still you stay with me.
I used to believe everyone had a soulmate. But then, I used to promise myself, daily, that I would never have kids. Because the pain would kill me.
chemicals will hit you, chemicals will knock you down, is it over cuz I feel no pain
Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so angry when he smoked all the time. It's just annoying. I'm just controlling. Maybe I'm just ridiculous.
ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away
my room is a mess. the petals from the roses Heather picked before she left, litter my floor. But in an artistic way. Kind of like... when oil makes a rainbow.
Because the wind is high, it blows my mind
I miss chasing Gregg. I miss chasing period. Funny how you don't know when it's the last time you get to do those things when it is. Because if you did... you would have tried harder... a little shorter with the skirt, a little heavier on the eye-catching.
I just sit on the ground and in your way
I was reading my real journal, in the 1st green section, and I wrote about Kellen, because I was on mushrooms. "I'm always just in the way".
I used to be a superhero, no one could hurt me yeah not even myself, you were like a phone booth that I somehow stumbled into, now look at me I am just like everybody else
Meaningless sex. Kissing Daniel before Christmas. Amoroso. Threesomes. Girls kissing girls kissing girls. Kissing boys. I miss it. Wouldn't you?
I'd like to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing, in a room near a truckstop on a highway somewhere
I keep hinting to people that I don't want to have to take my road trip alone. I pretend that no one notices. Joel might be at the party friday. Oh did I mention I'm having a party Friday? Come. It'll be alright.
do you think you could treat me like somebody special? I can't be everything to everybody could I at least be something to you?
So, here I am again. With a huge hole in the crotch of my pants. My army jacket. My 60 million year old amber ring. Heartburn. I never change. Ever. It's like the world is spinning on me. I am the axis. [ofevil? LAME]
remember the cold of winter running up the legs of my pants, picked the nicest lawn and imagined the two of us rolling around.
I played guitar and sang this song to Daniel once. He smiled and hugged me. Those were the good times. Everyone always said highschool is the best years of your life. I wish I would have listened.
do you remember the day we met? that's the day I knew you were my pet
Once, I was walking home from Jason Fair's because I was uncomfortable. And. Carl was walking towards Brian Turgill's at the same time. And we met there in the middle. Fate... ???
what can you do.
there are places I remember all my life, though some have changed
Fall is my favorite season. It used to be winter but it doesn't snow here so what's the point. At least in the fall the leaves are pretty. I'm just glad it's raining again.
nothing hurts like your mouth...
you know what's funny about this song? that it's done by bush. and bush is a joke. but it makes me want to fuck a werewolf. is that creepy? I've got to get out of this house.
i fell in love and i needed a road map to find out where you lived so excited now
My vision is getting worse and worse. and hey. I might be. pregnant. but I doubt anyone has gotten this far. so you're all still oblivios.
these scars are permanent and always on display
my lava lamp doesn't work. I have a lot of scars. and cuts. and bruises. I wish I was exaggerating.

they say if you love somebody then you have got to set them free, but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.

apeiro @ 2003-11-11T18:57:00

2003-11-12T03:17:24Z

If you've never seen Niagara, Niagara do so, now.

home alone. two empty yogurt cups with spoons. lint roller. wes emerson's ID card, grade 11. alysha's address on a piece of paper from her journal. two bottle caps. almost empty frappuccino from trip to chico. 64oz soda cup. Medium sixed Wendy's soda cup. HP printer. Panasonic phone/answering machine. Rose frame, picture of Sean Orion and John. Three flower frame, black and white picture of ~~jesus~~ Tim Kirkpatrick. Two speakers. Jergen's ultra healing lotion. Package of blank CD's. Bath gels Alysha gave me for my 18th. Gum wrapper. Cherry scented candle wax. Note from Morgan. Mixtape #1 made by davethebutcher. Note from ALysha, junior year. Moonlight path body mist. Crumple piece of electrical tape. Green highlighter. Wild cherry life savers wrapper. 24 oz bottle of Nestea, empty. Dell monitor.

what's on your computer desk?

just some good old fashioned bitching.

2003-11-11T10:21:12Z

so in reference to mylastpost I no longer hope she gets syphillis. Just maybe a bad case of crabs, or a really really bad YI.

ok. ew. and. my roommates FAIL to do anything, ever, to take care of the things around the house. (1) I was gone for three days and we have 0, count 'em ZERO clean dishes, none of which are the result of me, because I DID the dishes before I left. (2) the trash was nearly empty before, and today 'twas overflowing with pizza boxes. I DON'T BUY PIZZAS, THANK YOU. (3) No, we don't have any toilet paper, you may wipe your ass with my sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve. I bought it last time, and the time before, oh and the time before that. (4) The litter box smell has completely invaded every room in the house. I no longer have a cat.

/bitch

hey joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand?

apeiro @ 2003-11-09T17:52:00

2003-11-10T01:59:26Z

I can't look her in the face. I'll see it there, in the deep sea of her iris, and the twist curl of her grin. Hate is here today.
And that stupid annoying laugh.
Fuck you, you stupid skank. I hope you get syphillis.
and die.

carl doesn't know but I check his mail sometimes to see if he read what I wrote him. I don't read the other mail though. I'm not that scary. and usually, he has, and hasn't replied. Well.

cleaned the inside of the bus today. shine shine shine. I ♥ the rain.

whatever happened to wes emerson???????

apeiro @ 2003-11-09T10:06:00

2003-11-09T18:08:53Z

::waves:: miss you lysh.

slept for 15 consecutive hours.

carl wrote to me... more on that later.

I need coffee
and some company. hey edwardestlin you should come over and drink coffee with me and we won't be alone lonely anymore.

apeiro @ 2003-11-08T08:24:00

2003-11-08T16:32:15Z

I just realized that I've been reading a few strangers journals for over a year.

I know these people, & their lives, better than some people who have actually seen or heard them.

This one guy, he won't write for months and all of a sudden, blam. A paragraph or three about his day like he hasn't been in absentia. I love it.

Hey guess what? Gregg and Morgan hooked up and Carl never wants to talk to me again. ever. how's that for sweet irony? I loathe my pathetic existence. and hey it's 830am and I still haven't slept more than three hours in the past three days. Hooray for depression induced insomnia!

disco

oh and pspspsps: chris riggs is here, he slept in my bed while I watched Mary Poppins.

ok enough.

2003-11-06T20:28:20Z

germany... is not dead, and that is something. he doesn't even look like a 90 year old man anymore, he's gone down to like, 60... maybe even 55. he hasn't done coke in two weeks, which you'll know if you're an addict, is a long fucking time ~~but really no time at all~~.

funny how I find out carl him and david did a ball and a half to themselves instead of the halfgram carl said. do you know how mad he'd be if he knew I wrote that? ha.

annie annie annie annie annie where are you?
you should go see texas chainsaw massacre with me.

haven't slept in... 30 hours. must be all the... coffee. or something.

neopets.
schizophrenia's draggin' me down.

ph's are way cooler than f's. I loathe f's.
(I'm lichen it!)

I think I'm going to watch Titanic.

i really really like electrical tape.

2003-11-05T08:30:03Z

uma thurman looks better with black hair. pulp fiction style.

why can't I sleep? I'm buying a truck tomorrow. For my road trip. And, I'm almost done fixing up the van enough to sell it for 4grand. I can't wait. I wish someone was coming with me.

carl particularly. but. anyone, really.

so, carl's family is very happy he moved away from me. and so is jesus. which is good for him I guess. fucking jesus man. ruins my life.
why can't things just go back to the way they used to be?
why can't I just be seven? seven was good. my "boyfriend" called me honey bunches of oats and i was snow white in the school play.
it would be cool if gregg came with me. or mike. or... jake ernst and he could fix it anytime it broke down so that's 2 stars for jake.
jake is hott.
ex-boyfriends in general are hott.

carl keeps preaching to me... but I can't pretend to be surprised now that he lives with a man who owns a christian music studio. I guess he's doing some chico-church version of 'fo-dee day push'

~~I'd really like to do some lines tonight. I can't sleep anyway.~~

concerning lostness and.

2003-11-05T06:33:23Z

1.bill withers xx ain't no sunshine
2.elliott smith xx because
3.nick drake xx fly
4.ani difranco xx superhero
5.the weakerthans xx [i forgot]
6.the posies xx i may hate you sometimes
7.saves the day xx hold
8.cat power xx sea of love
9.the beatles xx in my life
10.bush xx mouth
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
1.modest mouse xx sleepwalking
2.alkaline trio xx lied my face off
3.ben harper xx walk away
4.fats domino xx ain't that a shame
5.gameface xx my star
6.the cars xx since you're gone
7.bright eyes xx perfect sonnett
8.modest mouse xx the good things
9.doug martsch xx stay

apeiro @ 2003-11-04T05:37:00

2003-11-04T13:41:11Z

drove to chico. no heater. 38 degrees. arrived at 2am. drove by the place he is supposed to be, his car was not there. got lost. drove around insane one way streets. broke a lot of traffic laws. stopped at 7-11 for directions. and coffee. made it home.

can't sleep. but... that's not unusual.

IMPORTANTE!

please name the five best love/romantic/missing you type songs EVER (any genre)

hm

2003-06-11T03:29:15Z

the_erections

[bye]

apeiro @ 2003-01-23T20:45:00

2003-01-24T04:45:23Z

♥ friends only ♥

add me and I'll add you.