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now it's just hard to see
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| her name was erica lefleur |
[16 Jul 2005|09:52pm] |
erika kennedy
erika morrow
and me. tried painting my thumbnail white. those spades were painting the roses red.
it's funny how people are getting so good at pretending. i hate tourist season. i guess here it's always tourist season. there's a prospect on the bottom floor, people don't look at you the same here. everyone wears tapered jeans.
bruce willis is a joke.
maybe it repels the sand better having your jeans so close to your skin around your ankles.
princess is happy. he shit in the middle of tourist season.
the sandsculptures were alright, and by alright I mean, disco.
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[27 Feb 2005|11:25pm] |
oh how unnerving. you play like you know you know everything you don't know nothin'. i had one thing. and you did not. and now you're trying to pretend you had it all along. and i don't think it's fair.
skip from one lilypad to another little froggy.
fuck you. fuck you and that thing that should be mine and isn't. and your drugs. and your drugs. and your drugs.
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[06 Feb 2005|01:42pm] |
donovan vs. floater i don't think he had a chance. i hate our trailer park. i hate the cowboys. i hate the tweakers i hate the creep that's always over up front. i hate that large girl who says nasty things about my best friend.
why are we here i don't know there is always the hope that the infinite parties will return. the list will grow. our names will be remembered, (now it's fucking system i never thought about how much i actually hate everyone who likes this band.)
if i was in college i would want to be PAUL. not sean bateman. i want to be a rich fabulous attractive gay boy with wild eyes and strong features. but i wouldn't love sean bateman.
what the fuck is this now? drain sth? worse? creeps get head. creeps give head to both roommates, right? i wonder if they've sat down together and discussed. i'd rather not wonder.
love is so far from here. i wonder if james van der beek enjoyed his love scene.
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| covert ops you think you're so suave. |
[04 Feb 2005|10:52pm] |
i don't like this out of the loop nonsense that I most definitely do not deserve.
may 6th 1937 // hindenburgh explosion. oh the humanity. nothing ties us together like tragedy. but there is no community. there is no ultimate human family anymore. once, once i think they sat around their little magic black and white boxes and everyone held their breaths at the same time.
surround yourself with these people you love for whatever reason, knowing full well their flaws, sometimes dangerous, sometimes overwhelming flaws. you know you have your own as well. hold them tightly, you think you can keep them forever in your little orbit.
hashish bust. chinca's market where you buy your stolen cigarettes and marijuana.
you're kidding yourself, kid.
enron, get your own 120mill.
slip away, my pretty little miss.
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| the malfunction of the machine. |
[03 Feb 2005|07:44am] |
this is just a consideration. staring at time as it passes, in fragments i see how things really are. ignorance it seems, has fled. sometimes i can fake it. one two three banana.
something must be done! i'm fairly certain i'll like this one much better. whatever happened to those angels in virgina? maybe the souls were transferred into this other thing-person. escape from this feeling. i'm going to drink two cups of coffee and see where that leads.
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[10 Dec 2003|05:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
INSANE A LITTLE |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
DEATH IN VEGAS - I SPY |
] |
EVERYONE WHO READS THIS JOURNAL NEEDS TO ADD ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) the_erections AS A FRIEND BECAUSE THAT IS THE JOURNAL I WRITE IN, AND I WANT TO ADD Y'ALL AS FRIENDS BUT NOT UNLESS YOU STILL READ THIS BECAUSE THEN, WELL, THAT WOULD BE POINTLESS.
THANK YOU&GOODNITE
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[22 Nov 2003|02:14pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
joni mitchell |
] |
carl is here. here.
but he is leaving.
I found my pants.
I have to go find carl.
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[17 Nov 2003|12:57am] |
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I've decided that I am bored. therefore. I am boring.
basically. goodbye. [for a while.]
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| UPDATE: I don't think the muffin man will approve. [03 Mar 2003|12:57am] |
[16 Nov 2003|03:31pm] |
|
SHE WASN'T WEARING ANY PANTS.
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| holy titties batman |
[16 Nov 2003|03:20pm] |
swan? swan? who would have ever thought?
and yet. I feel nothing.
because I am heartwashed.
swan made me breakfast.
potato slept between us in my bed.
but we cuddled. all morning. and it was so. pretty.
carl read the mail I sent him and didn't reply, or call me. Like I asked. And you know what? I just have to deal with it because I am still in love with him. How fucking pathetic.
I AM A FUCKING PATHETIC LOSER.
end transmission.
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[15 Nov 2003|01:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
intently. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mouse |
] |
he wrote to me today. he says he has let go of the things that hurt him. I have to tell you I hate Jesus Christ.
Not god.
Just Jesus. Fuck him.
anyway.
I miss him. not jesus. carl. but like everyone else, he's just the shell of who he was.
point. blank. stare. hard. bodies. breathing. heavy. lifting. cars. driving. fast. pace. yourself.
breathe in.
last night the party was
was.
breathe out.
matt warmington. was.
mike was.
catatonic. grey ice water. i can play lives on the guitar this morning because mike gave me his pick.
sometimes, well.
it isn't like breathing. it isn't anything like being alive.
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[13 Nov 2003|04:31pm] |
| [ |
music |
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blonde redhead |
] |
sparkly. the house. good typing skills getting better. going to straighten stephanie's hair and maybe pluck those damn eyebrows. I bet she'll let me.
I can't understand this at all. I can't pronounce this at all. These are different matters, these are uncertain feelings. This should never be discussed, so keep it to yourself.
Snorted a lot of ritalin today. Which is why the house is sparkly. The backyard. The Jimboy's bench seat. The windows.
istealcars
carl carl carl where are you? I think I may have something we need to discuss very soon.
But hey let's get hammered first. And buy an eightball. Ok?
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| it's in the music. |
[11 Nov 2003|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
very very in need of good sex. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
muh tape. |
] |
( f o r t h e l o n e l y )
they say if you love somebody then you have got to set them free, but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
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[11 Nov 2003|06:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
alonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cowboy junkies |
] |
If you've never seen Niagara, Niagara do so, now.
home alone. two empty yogurt cups with spoons. lint roller. wes emerson's ID card, grade 11. alysha's address on a piece of paper from her journal. two bottle caps. almost empty frappuccino from trip to chico. 64oz soda cup. Medium sixed Wendy's soda cup. HP printer. Panasonic phone/answering machine. Rose frame, picture of Sean Orion and John. Three flower frame, black and white picture of jesus Tim Kirkpatrick. Two speakers. Jergen's ultra healing lotion. Package of blank CD's. Bath gels Alysha gave me for my 18th. Gum wrapper. Cherry scented candle wax. Note from Morgan. Mixtape #1 made by davethebutcher. Note from ALysha, junior year. Moonlight path body mist. Crumple piece of electrical tape. Green highlighter. Wild cherry life savers wrapper. 24 oz bottle of Nestea, empty. Dell monitor.
what's on your computer desk?
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| just some good old fashioned bitching. |
[11 Nov 2003|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
itchy. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
built to spill |
] |
so in reference to mylastpost I no longer hope she gets syphillis. Just maybe a bad case of crabs, or a really really bad YI.
ok. ew. and. my roommates FAIL to do anything, ever, to take care of the things around the house. (1) I was gone for three days and we have 0, count 'em ZERO clean dishes, none of which are the result of me, because I DID the dishes before I left. (2) the trash was nearly empty before, and today 'twas overflowing with pizza boxes. I DON'T BUY PIZZAS, THANK YOU. (3) No, we don't have any toilet paper, you may wipe your ass with my sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve. I bought it last time, and the time before, oh and the time before that. (4) The litter box smell has completely invaded every room in the house. I no longer have a cat.
/bitch
hey joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand?
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[09 Nov 2003|05:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nauseated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
doug martsch - stay |
] |
I can't look her in the face. I'll see it there, in the deep sea of her iris, and the twist curl of her grin. Hate is here today.
And that stupid annoying laugh.
Fuck you, you stupid skank. I hope you get syphillis.
and die.
carl doesn't know but I check his mail sometimes to see if he read what I wrote him. I don't read the other mail though. I'm not that scary. and usually, he has, and hasn't replied. Well.
cleaned the inside of the bus today. shine shine shine. I ♥ the rain.
whatever happened to wes emerson???????
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[09 Nov 2003|10:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the shins |
] |
::waves:: miss you lysh.
slept for 15 consecutive hours.
carl wrote to me... more on that later.
I need coffee
and some company. hey edwardestlin you should come over and drink coffee with me and we won't be alone lonely anymore.
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[08 Nov 2003|08:24am] |
|
I just realized that I've been reading a few strangers journals for over a year.
I know these people, & their lives, better than some people who have actually seen or heard them.
This one guy, he won't write for months and all of a sudden, blam. A paragraph or three about his day like he hasn't been in absentia. I love it.
Hey guess what? Gregg and Morgan hooked up and Carl never wants to talk to me again. ever. how's that for sweet irony? I loathe my pathetic existence. and hey it's 830am and I still haven't slept more than three hours in the past three days. Hooray for depression induced insomnia!
disco
oh and pspspsps: chris riggs is here, he slept in my bed while I watched Mary Poppins.
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| ok enough. |
[06 Nov 2003|12:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the beatles - in my life |
] |
germany... is not dead, and that is something. he doesn't even look like a 90 year old man anymore, he's gone down to like, 60... maybe even 55. he hasn't done coke in two weeks, which you'll know if you're an addict, is a long fucking time but really no time at all.
funny how I find out carl him and david did a ball and a half to themselves instead of the halfgram carl said. do you know how mad he'd be if he knew I wrote that? ha.
annie annie annie annie annie where are you?
you should go see texas chainsaw massacre with me.
haven't slept in... 30 hours. must be all the... coffee. or something.
neopets.
schizophrenia's draggin' me down.
ph's are way cooler than f's. I loathe f's.
(I'm lichen it!)
I think I'm going to watch Titanic.
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| i really really like electrical tape. |
[05 Nov 2003|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 and the infinite sadness. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the posies - i may hate you sometimes. |
] |
uma thurman looks better with black hair. pulp fiction style.
why can't I sleep? I'm buying a truck tomorrow. For my road trip. And, I'm almost done fixing up the van enough to sell it for 4grand. I can't wait. I wish someone was coming with me.
carl particularly. but. anyone, really.
so, carl's family is very happy he moved away from me. and so is jesus. which is good for him I guess. fucking jesus man. ruins my life.
why can't things just go back to the way they used to be?
why can't I just be seven? seven was good. my "boyfriend" called me honey bunches of oats and i was snow white in the school play.
it would be cool if gregg came with me. or mike. or... jake ernst and he could fix it anytime it broke down so that's 2 stars for jake.
jake is hott.
ex-boyfriends in general are hott.
carl keeps preaching to me... but I can't pretend to be surprised now that he lives with a man who owns a christian music studio. I guess he's doing some chico-church version of 'fo-dee day push'
I'd really like to do some lines tonight. I can't sleep anyway.
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